There is one rule to have in dating. When you don’t think it would ever work – move on. For me the way to do this is to be clear about your feelings, give a reason why, understand their point of view and not be too upset at upsetting someone if it is the right thing to do. It’s better in the long run. I’m good with this rule (sort of…usually). I am old enough now not to get into a relationship just because it’s sometimes easy to fall into it without really being into it. Clearly over the last 2 weeks I have been rubbish at this rule.
Funny, fun, and pretty fit. One of those guys who was great to date but amusingly frustrating at the same time. A chancer in life and in the stories he would tell me. Loads of reasons to like him but also loads of reasons to think ‘hell no’ – not for me in the long term. He said he wanted a relationship. In all honesty I think this is just something he felt he should say. He kind of wanted to move in with me. That was a red flag right there! I told him it was. This level of honesty appeared to just confuse him but hey, he was still a lot of fun.
Can’t we just date?
Hasn’t everyone experienced the situation where you like dating someone but don’t see it progressing? If you haven’t you are probably quite lucky because no matter how honest you are; it leads to mixed messages. It also ends up being a bit of a rubbish situation no matter which side you are on. It is ok that not everyone is for you or you for them. I suppose that’s just the reality of dating.
Can we stop dating?
After realising this with the ‘chancer’ I decided to end things. It was still very early on and I figured it was the best thing to do. I was honest with him and said there was no point in continuing with things which de didn’t take badly at all. Great! I should admit that I did this by messaging him. I’m cringing at even admitting this and it doesn’t help that I said he could phone me to talk about it if he wanted to. How rubbish is that? Yep, pretty rubbish. First oops….but it wasn’t like I had seen him a lot (my attempt at an excuse for my awful behaviour). Nobody is perfect 🙂
Before I started my health kick I had an evening where I had a few glasses of wine. I also had a pretty relaxed, clear of definitive plans, weekend ahead. Such a dangerous situation I know and I fell down the rabbit hole when my phone was unlocked and my fingers started tapping out a message. You will notice that I have disassociated my brain from this situation. Anyway the upshot was that I (in my wine soaked reasoning) thought it would be good to have a fun night out. I am definitely not perfect 🙂
He declined my offer but we had a laugh about it. Good on him as it was a right bloody cheek of me. In my (re-associated with my actions) brain, clear of any wine, I was glad it had all worked out without too much fallout. The problem is that we messaged back and forth after. So when I got a message from him to ask what I was up to this weekend I did have a slight panic. Tentative message back….no response…realisation struck (albeit a day later)! He drunk messaged me! Serves me right. He is definitely not perfect either :-). Dating is tough sometimes.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
2 thoughts on “Mixed messages”
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